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Thailand -

Reverse Stereotypes and Anal Confusion

My final stop in Thailand was a place in the northwest called Pai. It’s an extremely hipster area that is dotted with coffee shops/vegan restaurants and is surrounded by waterfalls and natural formations. In order to get to these places, the main method of transport is renting a moped.

First thing I do upon arrival is rent a badass moped. I stand outside the rental place waiting to see my hog when a Thai guy comes around the corner giggling like a school girl. My badass moped is pink and has a big decal with the world “cute” emblazoned on the side. Thanks asshole.


I had never ridden a moped before so I’m a little nervous at the start. It’s a little jumpy but I get the hang of it fairly quickly. Start to feel cocky about my riding skillz. Look around and notice a few locals pointing in my direction and laughing. Yeah, real mature guys. Let’s all laugh at the tall white guy crammed on the cute pink scooter. Go a little further and notice the points continuing. Remember that you drive on the left side of the road in Thailand. Realize that I’ve been driving the wrong direction with my blinker on. I finally understand how Asian drivers feel in the US. Flip a U-turn and continue on my way.

Later that night a bunch of people at my hostel play the drinking game “never have I ever”. It works like this: everyone sits in a large circle with a drink. One person says something that they have never done in their life. If a person sitting in the circle has done this thing, then they have to drink. Basically, it always just ends up being about sex.

The game goes on for a while and I start to get bored and absentmindedly sip my drink. Look around the circle and spot a cute blonde girl. Target acquired.

As the game dissolves, I head over and start talking to her. One of her first questions is, “so do you have a boyfriend?”… What sort of vibes am I sending out? I tell her “no” and that I’m straight. She looks confused and asks “Then why have you received anal?”… What?

Apparently, one of the statements said while I was zoned out was, “never have I ever received anal”. Not paying attention, I drank immediately after this, signifying to the 20 or so people playing the game that not only am I gay, but I’m also a bottom and damn proud of it. Well played Nick. I eventually clear things up, but the magic between us was lost.