Lock iconRectangle 1Rectangle 2 + Rectangle 2 CopyShapeRectangle 1

Uncategorized -

What the Drinking Game You Play Says About You

Drinking games are more than just a means of getting wasted. They also tell a story about the people who play them. Here’s a breakdown of what each one says:

Beer pong

Because this game is so popular, it’s a little hard to tie its participants down to a specific category. I’ve narrowed it down to three groupings:

You might be some high-school kids playing it for your first time, grimacing with every swallow of beer.

Or, perhaps you’re in college, and you’ve come to associate part of your identity as being the “really good beer pong player”. You take the game far too seriously, and treat every throw with the intensity of a World Series pitcher in the bottom of the 9th. Every near miss is followed by a disgruntled, “is there even any beer in that cup?”, and every make is celebrated with a chest bump/secret handshake that you and your very cool beer pong partner have. Asher Roth may as well have written “I love college” as the theme song to your life.

Or, you could be a 35-year-old balding but wearing a backwards hat to compensate, beer-gut having man who’s come back alumni weekend in an attempt to relive the glory days. Nothing gets you more excited than a fresh beer brought to you by a pledge, and your comment of “check out the ass on her” about the freshmen girl who just walked past creeps out everyone within a 50 ft radius.

King’s cup

You’re in high school, your parents are out of town, and you’ve invited a group of friends over to drink and smoke some weed. You’ve put a sign on your parents’ door that says “Keep Out”, and your friends have promised to help clean in the morning. What could go wrong?

Fast forward three hours. One of your friends is crying, sitting on the couch, rocking back and forth in the fetal position because she smoked too much; another friend has vomited and passed out in the living room, where your dog is currently trying to eat the vomit; and as you walk down the hallway, you hear the unmistakable sounds of someone losing their virginity on your parents’ bed….curse you King’s Cup.

Flip cup

Chances are you’re a girl in a sorority, because nothing gets sorority girls more excited than flip cup. Well, that, and elevated surfaces to dance on, “Closer” by The Chainsmokers, and pumpkin spice lattes.

Or, you’re a guy who wants the attention of all the sorority girls so you scream “FLIIPP CUPPP!”

This guy is usually a more advanced stage of the “good beer pong player” guy.

Snappa/Beer Die

You’re a bro, playing with other bros. You bet your fucking ass that you drink thirds, and vomiting isn’t embarrassing, it’s a strategic fucking maneuver. The hang time on your die tosses makes NFL punters seethe with envy, and there is no sweeter sound than the *tink* of your die hitting glass.

You naked run your opponents weekly, and if you ever play with a girl, you naked run her straight into your bed.


Never have I ever

You’re with a big group of people you’ve just met, and you need to play something to break the ice. You’re most likely in a hostel packed with horny young travelers, and the game will invariably be about sex.

It will proceed exactly like this: never have I ever….made out with someone on this trip (to ease the game into sexual waters); had sex while on this trip; given a blowjob; given or received road head; had anal; had a threesome; been in an orgy; wanted to have sex with someone who is playing this game; used a dildo; had sex while wearing handcuffs; given a rimjob; done some 50 shades of gray shit; etc. This will go on until everyone is fantasizing about having sex with each other, and you all head out to some club.

Inevitably, some members of your group will have sex in your overcrowded, sweaty, bug infested hostel room, and the snores of your roommates will now be interspersed with the occasional female moan, or the drunkenly mumbled sorry of the guy who’s too drunk to get it up.

You’re zip-tied to a girl and you don’t get untied until you both finish your drinks 

You’re in a fraternity at a date party, and you really, really, want to hook up with the girl that you’re zip-tied to. Unless, of course, you let Taylor Hansen set you up on a date, in which case, YOUR DATE WON’T SHOW UP, AND YOU’LL BE ZIP-TIED TO YOURSELF, WHICH IS FANTASTIC BECAUSE WHO WOULD WANT TO BE FLIRTING WITH A GIRL ALL NIGHT WHEN YOU COULD INSTEAD SPEND IT SEDUCING YOUR OWN LEFT HAND?!?! *ehem* Of course, this is all water under the bridge now.

And Lastly, Handle Pulls

This isn’t a game so much as it is an exercise in self-loathing. If you didn’t already have oral herpes, you do now, and the semi-reasonable sounding thought that flashed through your mind of,”alcohol kills germs, so this is fine.” I can assure you, doesn’t hold up against the vaccine resistant super bugs that have been breeding in the frat house that you’re drinking in.